Interview: Emma Watson and Donald Glover #2
Welcome back to another interview. I already thought everyone had fled the rampaging time demon on the loose, or like in Nick’s case gone to confront it and retrieve CON AIR 2: THE EPILOGUE. What a surprise. It’s a delight to see you here, Emma Watson and Donald Glover.
WATSON: Thanks so much. There’s nothing to be afraid of, though.
GLOVER: We’re all safe here.
How do you believe so confidently in your safety?
GLOVER: Well, as you clearly don’t see, this isn’t just blind faith.
WATSON: Despite my role in the movie.
GLOVER: Hah, that’s a good one. We know for absolute certainty English can’t get us anymore. It’s all part of the plan.
The plan? What plan?
WATSON: A plan crafted by us with the aid of a dear friend. She brought us one of the two artifacts required to successfully defeat English on this timeline, Dave Strider’s old SBAHJifier.
GLOVER: The other item coincidentally is also related to Dave. As I told you, I have trained rigorously to ascend and reach the World of Daves, the prime plane of ultimate Daveness. I reached through this otherworldly realm, and borrowing the power of the mighty Knight of Time, I partially phased into another timeline and had just enough time to wrestle the precious boon from the cold dead hands of my alternate self.
How am I hearing about this only now?
WATSON: Our friend asked to keep this secret until nothing could stop it. That friend by the way is Vriska if you didn’t get it already. She was the one we planned this with. She’d want us to tell you that.
GLOVER: Don’t forget that we couldn’t let anyone interfere with the subject.
What or who is the subject?
WATSON: Well, I’m not sure you’re aware of this, but nobody on this timeline could defeat Lord English. Normally. We needed to engineer a perfect soldier for this ordinarily unbeatable fight, so we had to make a few preparations. I obtained the SBAHJifier and reversed its functionality, so instead of making SBAHJs from things, it now puts the SBAHJ into things.
GLOVER: In other words, we can make anything more or less SBAHJy. Objects, animals, even people.
WATSON: We proceeded to pick the perfect candidate and use the reversed SBAHJifier on him. It works strangely on humans, so we had to be careful not to use it too little or too much. It took a little while for him to pass through the stages, but now he is complete. The perfect incarnation of SBAHJiness on Earth.
GLOVER: Ben Stiller.
WATSON: Or should we say: Hella Jeff.
GLOVER: The final defender of the universe.
Wow, that was a lot to take in. Huh. Kinda makes sense, doesn’t it? This just keeps happening. Thanks for reading. CON AIR 2: THE EPILOGUE in theaters whenever we get it back.