Oh god welcome to the interview. CON AIR 2: THE EPILOGUE coming soon. We have Steve Buscemi. Again. Welcome.

THANK YOU. I HAVE RETURNED. AS I TEND TO DO. WHICH YOU MAY HAVE ANTICIPATED. OR NOT. IT ENTIRELY DEPENDS ON YOUR ABILITY TO UNDERSTAND SIMPLE NARRATIVE STRUCTURE.

(WHAT I’M SAYING HERE IS THAT YOU’RE DUMB)

(GOD. HOW CAN YOU BE SO DUMB. YOU COULDN’T EVEN GET THAT.)

So why are you here?

THAT IS. THE WORST FUCKING QUESTION. ANYBODY EVER ASKED. YOU KNOW WHY I’M HERE. AREN’T YOU SUPPOSED TO BE GOOD AT THIS THING? I’LL SAY. I WOULD FIRE YOU AT THIS SPOT. IF I WERE YOUR BOSS. WHICH I MAY VERY WELL BE. AS THE REST OF THE IDIOTS IN THIS HOUSE ARE DEAD.

HOWEVER. YOU I WILL SPARE. AS I NEED SOMEONE TO BROADCAST. MY AMAZING ACCEPTANCE SPEECH. AFTER I GET MY LITTLE GOLDEN MAN. I WILL THANK ALL OF MY FRIENDS AND COWORKERS. WHICH COINCIDENTALLY. ALL HAPPEN TO BE ME.

So should we move on? To the business I mean. Sir. Lord?

SHUT THE FUCK UP. IM NOT DONE YET. I WILL ALSO MOCK MY HATERS. AS THEY SHOULD BY THEN SEE. THAT THEY’VE BEEN WRONG ALL ALONG. THEY WILL SEE. HOW FAR I HAVE COME. AND WEEP THE PATHETIC TEARS OF LOSERS. LIKE THE COMPLETE AND UTTER FUCKING TRASH THEY ARE.

THEY HAVE DONE NOTHING TO HINDER MY CONFIDENT STRUT. TOWARD THE GLORY. AND FAME. I AM ALWAYS DESTINED TO ACHIEVE.

WHAT HAVE THOSE IMBECILES DONE? NOTHING. MAYBE THEY’VE KILLED MY SERVANT DUDE. TO WHICH I SAY.

BOO.

FUCKING.

HOO.

THE GUY WAS A FUCKING TOOL ANYWAY. OR PERHAPS. I SHOULD SAY HE WAS A BUNCH OF TOOLS. ALL OF WHICH ARE VERY USEFUL. A TOOLKIT SUITABLE FOR AN ARTIST. SUCH AS ME.

BUT I HAVE OVERGROWN THESE TOOLS. AS YOU HAVE ALREADY SEEN. SO. SO. SO. SO MANY TIMES. I CAN’T EVEN PROPERLY EMPHASIZE. HOW OVER THEM I AM. MY ACT IS PERFECT AS IT IS. THESE BACKGROUND MORONS ONLY DISTRACT YOU FROM MY FLAWLESS PERFORMANCE. ITS TIME TO SHOO THE CLOWNS OUT OF THE STAGE. AND GET ROWDY. AS THEY SAY.

So any final statements?

FOOLISH FOR YOU TO ASSUME. I WILL EVER STOP. I WILL ALWAYS COME BACK. HERE. WITH MORE THINGS TO SAY.

BUT THE ARTIST’S WORK. IS NEVER FINISHED. I MUST RETURN TO FINISH MY CRAFT. MY FINAL ACT. OR MAYBE IT’S AN ACT AFTER THE FINAL ACT. TO SERVE AS A DISTRACTION. TO THE FALSE FINALITY OF ITS PREDECESSOR. OR SOMETHING. IT IS HARD TO EXPLAIN. ONLY AUTEURS LIKE ME CAN UNDERSTAND ITS TRUE PURPOSE.

DO NOT FORGET. THAT I WILL RETURN. AFTER ALL IS SAID AND DONE. AFTER THE ACADEMY OF SIMPLETONS HAS RECOGNIZED MY UNDENIABLE TALENT. AFTER I HAVE OBTAINED MY TINY YELLOW DUDEBRO. AND AFTER MY WORK IS DONE.

I WILL SIT BACK. TO ENJOY THE FRUIT OF MY CREATION. KNOWING I HAVE DONE A GREAT JOB. STARE AT THE HORIZON WISTFULLY MAYBE? IS THAT NOT WHAT YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO DO? WHO THE HELL KNOWS.

BUT BEFORE THAT. I WILL TAKE SOMETHING. WHAT YOU WOULD CALL. “A HOSTAGE”. TO MAKE SURE THE HATERS WILL NOT CROSS MY PATH AGAIN.

BECAUSE I HAVE THE THING. THEY VALUE THE MOST.

Huge thanks for our guest. Lord Buscemi? I don’t fucking know. Thanks for reading.