A Letter from John Malkovich
I have recovered from the attack of Steve Buscemi. Who seems to actually be Lord English? Who the hell knows what’s going on anymore.
Even though this seems to be like a viral marketing campaign for CON AIR 2: THE EPILOGUE, I assure that it isn’t. I don’t know what it is.
We have received a letter from John Malkovich. I think we all should read it.
Dear readers,
You may have noticed the accumulation of strange events around the production crew of CON AIR 2. Unfortunately these are not jokes or distractions. The threat is very real.
I have decided that it finally is my time to reveal the truth. Listen to what I am about to say carefully.
Homestuck is real.
It has always been real.
Allow me to explain how I know this. This robotic eye you see is not there for my role, but part of the machinery keeping my body alive. My first death was years ago. It was relatively recently for you, but for my body it has been countless years.
After my accidental death, this body was lost. Civilizations collapsed, oceans rose. Oceans drained, civilizations arose. Only long after death of both suns the now desolate Earth had seen, my body was excavated from the soil, almost perfectly preserved.
Four gods had been stranded there, in a dead session created by the very being that now threatens us. They had no way out so one of them, a young gentleman named Dirk Strider, rebuilt my body. Taking use of an unstable rift in spacetime located at the center of the Incipisphere they sent me on a journey only this body could survive, back in time to seed Earth with their future means of escape.
I returned back to my time, to take place of my now dead self. However my arrival here has caused deviations in the timeline.
Not only that, but Lord English has also somehow managed to slither his way into this universe. Recent readings have implied that the fabric of Paradox Space is under enormous stress. Whether or not this means this timeline has become doomed I do not know, but I suspect English’s appearance has something to do with this.
I have now discovered the unfortunate truth of Lord English’s identity. He has possessed my dear friend, Steve Buscemi. English has over time corrupted his mind, despite Steve’s best attempts to resist his influence. Even this was not enough for the demon. He also fused his most loyal servant with post-scratch Nicolas Cage, another of my dear associates. This resulted in a sick fusion between them, creating a being unlike which perhaps has never been existed in the history of the entire Paradox Space.
But not all hope has been lost. The pre-scratch Nicolas Cage, the legendary Nick of Time, has managed to find his way to this version of his Earth from the session he played in. This is also a message to you, old pal. If I fail tonight, the duty to protect this world falls upon you. For I am to confront and dispose my old friends, hoping that’ll banish the Lord of Time and his servant from this timeline for good.
I will soon face my enemy. If I don’t return, do not weep for me. I already live on extended time, desperately clinging from the threads of my unraveling existence. To perish in battle would be the best option for me. I will do by best to succeed in this fight. Farewell.
Yours truly,
Cyborg Malkovich
That was sure something. Thanks for reading. CON AIR 2: THE EPILOGUE in theaters 4th of April 2019, 24h streams on the 13th.